A chronicle of the ups, downs, and in-betweens of my thirty-something life. Seeing life through many different eyes...parenthood, step-parenthood, marriage, approaching middle-age (argh...can't this one wait), all while attempting to find my significance in this world.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Growing Pains

Our 13 year old daughter has become a teenager in the last 2 months at an all too alarming rate or shall I say warp speed. It seems like she went from adoring her stuffed animals to shopping at Hot Topic and fully immersing herself into the desparaging world of dark and sometimes rage-filled bands and their music in a matter of days. Music is a great outlet for emotions but there is an unwritten rule somewhere that states "parents must abhor the music their kids listen to". I was certain that I had an open mind and that I was still in fact, young. (So unlike my parents) Well ladies and gentleman, reality is here and I have been shocked to learn that I am now a full fledged adult. In other words, I have turned into my parents. Argh.... This means I am not longer welcome in the young cool kids club anymore. I can't relate to the music my daughter listens to and try as I might, I don't like it. I can't understand it. The dark demon-like screams actually kind of scare me. I have crossed the threshold from young to old in less than 2 months and let me tell you, it sucks. 

We have become the parents that we couldn't understand (or just couldn't understand us). We won't let our daughter dye her hair (unlike her friends as you can see above) and wear eyeliner (except on special nights like school dances or holidays). She is in 7th grade and I think if we start this too early there will more extremes that will be asked for. She has already expressed an interest in piercing her lip. Wow! That was a shocker because she was too scared to get her ears pierced.

A few days ago, our new teen asked to go to a concert in LA (45 minutes away) on a school night and the concert started at 8pm. I actually considered it for a millisecond. I looked up the venue and saw they had a full bar so immediately, a memory from my own drunken concert past flashed up, (AGHHHHHH), I was not ready to expose our daughter to this type of environment. It just helped my case that this concert was on a school night and late at night. Our answer was No. (Refer to reaction we are used to getting in above picture-pouty face is all too familiar) I was surprised to learn that 2 of her friends, both the same age, were allowed to go. One of their parents decided to take them. My daughter was, of course devastated. It turns out that they didn't get back home until midnight which is really late on a school night. I feel like I am in unfamiliar territory with the ("strict", my daughter claims) rules. I believe in promoting an environment that allows my kids to explore and express their emotions, talents and interests but I'm not willing to forgo boundaries and my own common sense in order to get there. Unfortunately, I think this is only the beginning and we will have many more battles before her teenage years are behind her.

14 comments:

  1. Ok...so I am only agreeing to continue reading about the terrifying teens because I want to be as prepared as possible. My girls are only 7 and 4 and without a doubt I am beyond unprepared for that teen step. You go first, k...then maybe I can learn from your mistakes:) (I would have said no to the concert too, BTW)

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  2. I have to say first what a great, honest post. It takes bravery in the face of a teenager who is in turn facing so much peer pressure not to just simply agree and let her do all the things you do not believe are right for her to do at this age.

    My husband I just know is going to be a nightmare when Mirabelle gets older - he has already told me he intends on greeting potential boyfriends sitting on our couch cradling a gun and telling them he is not afraid to use it (by the way he has never owned or so much as handled a gun in his life!). He also intends so he tells me to follow her on every date she goes on. I think I may need a gun to keep him under control rather than Mirabelle.

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  3. Following you back from MBC ;)

    I feel ya on the teen issue. It's a whole different ball game than when we we're teens.

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  4. WOW! I'm not ready that - of course my answer to all of the above would be the same - your hair will remain it's natural color until you pay your own rent. No concerts on a school night - especially if they are 45 minutes away. I'm glad I have a few years.....

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  5. Found you on Friday Follow and can so relate. I have 3 little girls, one 6 and 5 year old twins and a 14 year old step daughter. I fear the day the little ones become 14.

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  6. Hey! Loving your blog, I have 4 rug rats & my oldest has entered "tween" hood....I feel like I'm learning how to parent all over again LOL! And he's my boy, WAIT til my 3 girls get there frik! Anywho, just wanted to let you know that I'm following, you rock, & I have given you a blogging award!! Pop by my site to check it out, & congrats!!

    Tracy! (AKA The Mayor!) http://www.crazytownmayor.com

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  7. Raising a teenager has to be the hardest thing ever. It's certainly a different world than when we were kids. We make the best choices we can in raising kids and hope they were the right ones.

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  8. many think that allowing their teens complete freedom to do what ever they want, or not having rules is love. i tend to think of it as neglect...at least that is what i see with th ekids i counsel...

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  9. Good decision, mama. It's a tough road especially when it's not what you expected (not wanting to be your parents but ending up kinda like that) but it'll work out.

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  10. Joan London once said that as parents, we have it all wrong. We should send our children away for high school and have them stay home for college. Apparently is is much nicer that way.

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  11. BTW, I have awarded you a Beautiful Blog Award. Come and check out my site.

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  12. As a child counselor, I have to say, Go Mama! Keep sticking to your guns, and she will hate you, then love you for it. Good luck!

    I just gave you an award. Come check it out!

    http://crazyforcloth.blogspot.com

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  13. Wow - so many parenting decisions I hadn't thought about before. Dying her hair sounds relatively innocent next to lip piercing and midnight concerts that serve alcohol. It is nice that you've kept that ace in your pocket so you can reward her excellent behavior in kind some day. All the best!

    Stopping by to welcome you to SITS.

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  14. My 3 are all 5 and under, so this time is still a little ways off for me, but I'm not looking forward to having to deal with this at all.

    Stopping in to welcome you to SITS.

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